How do feelings affect eating?

Do you eat your feelings?  I used to.  When I was stressed – I ate.  When I was upset – I ate.  When I was bored – I ate.  And I ate when I was tired to help keep myself awake. Eating did make me feel better – at least temporarily. However, by eating instead of feeling my feelings, I also gained weight.  I did not work through those feelings and did not know how to experience emotions without eating. 

Many of us, when we were children and became upset, were given sweets to “make us feel better”.  And they did make us feel better – for a short while.  But sweets don’t teach us to process our feelings.  They don’t teach us how to fully experience our feelings so that we can better handle challenges.  We’ve learned to buffer our feelings instead of feeling them.  And many of us often buffer with sweets or carbs or alcohol. We’ve learned to use food to numb our emotions.

Feelings or emotions are just vibrations we feel in our bodies when we think particular thoughts. Because the feelings we feel are caused by our thoughts, becoming aware of what we are thinking is the first step to learning how to process our emotions - rather than eating to avoid feeling them. 

We can choose the thoughts we want to think – but those thoughts need to feel true to us.  It’s not helpful to think “When I’m at the party tonight, I’ll just drink water and eat from the veggie tray and I’ll feel amazing”, if you know that when you’re at the party you will be thinking, “That food all looks amazing.  I want to have some of everything!” A better thought might be “I will have 3 bites each of 6 different foods and then decide after 20 minutes if I want anything more”.  If that new thought feels “doable”, pay attention to how you feel when you think that thought, and then try thinking that thought before your next party or event.  Then, be a scientist, and see if that thought helps you to feel in such a way that you then  eat how you planned with no drama or feelings of scarcity. If that thought does not help you eat intentionally at the party, then the next time you try different thoughts that feel true to you, until you find the thoughts that work for you.  It may take some time and experimentation before you succeed; but if you persist - you will succeed!

I overeat most frequently when I want to avoid uncomfortable emotions such as anxiety or worry.  Instead of eating, I’ve learned to allow my emotions to just be present and to sit with those feelings and observe them.  When I observe an emotion, I notice where I feel it in my body. I then try to describe the feeling as best I can – whether it’s hard, or soft, or has a color, or texture. If I can, I write down my observations.  Sometimes, I use a feelings wheel (see the illustration) to help me to better describe what I’m feeling.  Usually, the feelings become less strong within several minutes.  A recent resource that I've found helpful in describing emotions is the book "Atlas of the Heart" by Brene' Brown.

The more frequently I sit with my emotions, rather than eating  to avoid them, the easier it gets for me to allow those emotions.  I’ve learned that the emotions themselves are not harmful, and I’ve also learned that I don’t need to eat to avoid negative emotions.  We all have both negative and positive emotions.  The more we learn to allow ourselves to feel both the negative and the positive emotions – rather than eating to avoid feeling them - the better we get at eating in a way that is helpful for our bodies.

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If you want to explore how 1:1 coaching with me can help you to gain control of your emotional eating and help you to stop yo-yo dieting and lose weight permanently, set up a no obligation and no pressure consultation with me by emailing me at [email protected].